In the past, following the extended multi-generational
pattern was the tradition of the Vietnamese household. Many generations
consisting of the parents, theirs sons, their wives, their children and
unwed siblings usually lived under the same roof. Contacting among the
family’s members was maintained frequently and this constant closeness
to family was emphasized from childhood and continued to be important to
Vietnamese throughout their lifetime (Lynell).
Traditional
values of Vietnamese lifestyle were deeply affected by Confucian
ethics. During thousand years the Chinese invaded and maintained control
Vietnam, Vietnamese culture was permeated by their Confucian
philosophical beliefs. This philosophy based for the existence of and
extended family structure through 2,000 years of Vietnamese history
(Lam). It was believed that: ..."in order to achieve human perfection,
one must follow the established codes of behavior of Confucianism which
include reverence for ancestors and respect for elders...The importance
is not upon the individual's accomplishments but upon his duty to family
and society" (Muzny).
In the past,
following the extended multi-generational pattern was the tradition of
the Vietnamese household. Many generations consisting of the parents,
theirs sons, their wives, their children and unwed siblings usually
lived under the same roof. Contacting among the family’s members was
maintained frequently and this constant closeness to family was
emphasized from childhood and continued to be important to Vietnamese
throughout their lifetime (Lynell).
"Most
Vietnamese placed more emphasis on their roles, privileges and
obligations within this group than on their own individual
desires"(Muzny). In this extended family, the most important expectation
was respect for the elders. The family decisions were made by the
parents and grandparents. The traditional Vietnamese worshipped
ancestors as a source of their lives, fortunes, and civilization. The
spirits were honored on various holidays and the anniversary of their
death (Tran).
For centuries in
Vietnam, traditional family values were accomplished by the fulfillment
of traditional roles: the role of man and woman as parents. Vietnamese
valued their traditional ideal of male superiority. Since the highest
status in Vietnamese families is given to the man (father), he had
absolute authority in the household. His position as provider for the
family was unchallenged. Because he provided the main source of income
for the household, he was never expected to work in the kitchen or to
cook. After work he returned home and relaxed. As a head of household he
had the final decision in all matters, although he might consult his
wife or children. In her report, Phung cited that the father, however,
had the duty to exercise restraint and wisdom in running his family in
order to deserve his respected position. Having a boy in family was a
"must" because the eldest son would assume the duties of his father when
he died. A family which had no son to continue the process was
superstitiously thought to have disappeared forever.
In
a patriarchal society, Vietnamese woman had limited rights and took a
secondary place in family. Women were brought up according to a strict
discipline, and have been traditionally less educated than men. They
usually do not enter the job market outside the home. "Girls from birth
were at a disadvantage". Daughter is not considered necessary in
heritage. According to Lam, Vietnamese traditional viewpoint was "If you
have a son, you can say you have a descendent. But you cannot say so
even if you have ten daughters".
After
marriage, woman became housewife and mother. She was expected to be
dependent upon her husband, budgeted his income for the household, took
care of children and even grandchildren, performed all household tasks.
According to Muzny, divorce was legal but not common. A wife can be
unhappy in her marriage; but rather than accepts divorce, the family
encouraged her to sacrifice and to endure the difficulties of the
marriage for the sake of her children.
Parental
role in family was to define the law. Obedience and respect were the
traditional virtues which Vietnamese children were taught to exhibit in
the family. Discipline and physical punishment were acceptable remedies
for disobedience in the Vietnamese tradition. "Harsh discipline and
beatings did not constitute abuse of a child, but its reverse: loving
care, concern and attention" (Breeman). When parents grew old, children
were expected to take care of them to compensate for the gift of birth
and upbringing. The elderly (parents) were supported by married or
unmarried children until they die (John).
"Boys
and girls are not free to do what they want. Girls are under strict
supervision" (John). Western style courtship and romance were seen as
inappropriate for unmarried children. "Virginity is cherished. Pregnancy
out of wedlock is uncommon, and it is a grave disgrace to the family"
(Muzny). For their children's marriage, parents generally made decision
because they could judge better. Vietnamese parents had a high regard
for education. It was considered a way for family advancement. Parents
encouraged their children to study and excel in their education.
Vietnamese placed a higher value on education rather than on material
success. In brief, "Depending upon the family for financial support,
requesting permissions for expenditures, and having parents make
decisions for them characterized the traditional Vietnamese child" .
Acording
to Lo Lo customs, the groom’s family must select four matchmakers
including two men and two women to officiate at the marriage proposal
ceremony, which is usually carried out by two happily married couples.
